SUICIDE: HELP FOR GRIEVING SURVIVORS

 By Elaine Kennelly                                     

Then—

Suicide pain showed no mercy. It haunted my thoughts excessively. The massive pain in my suicide recovery is that our eighteen-year old son, Matthew, chose to leave. There—that was the crux of the problem—the choice! He made the choice to leave our family, to leave his relationship with me, to leave his own life, and all without my understanding why.

I desperately wanted to know why!

There were countless questions, with no easy answers; in fact, there were no answers to the questions I asked after our son died. There was this huge hole, this gap in my understanding between what I believed and what actually happened. What I fervently believed was God loved me and that my son, Matthew, would be healed. What actually happened was my son took his own life, and God allowed it. How could I comprehend this new reality with God?

I quickly slid into the pit of bitterness, anger, envy, and self-pity, and I stayed there for years.

Now—

In my book, “Finding Peace After A Suicide Loss,” I label my suicide grief as “The Battle.” I distinctly define seven battles that most suicide survivors face. It is crucial to understand that the battles must be defined and named. Without definition and clarity, you have no understanding of what it will take to defeat your problems after a suicide death.

My battles were intense sorrow, blame, guilt, rebellion, rejection, stigma, and the unending feeling that I would never heal. And with every wrong behavior that I indulged in was a lie that I believed to be truth.

The most audacious lie I believed was this, “Elaine, you are intelligent. You are capable. You will figure this out all by yourself. You are better off alone.” But I was so wrong!

You see, when you have only yourself, you have very little. And as my bitterness deepened, so did my envy of friends whose children were still alive. As my anger escalated, I became mean and spiteful. My friends and co-workers didn’t care to be around me. In fact, I didn’t even like myself!

And I wallowed in that awful pit for years.

Then—

I thought I would never have peace and joy again in my life, and I constantly reinforced that with my negative mindset. I replayed those negative thoughts and deceptions over and over again in my brain.

Then one day, I came upon this little story.There was a man who had been crippled for thirty-eight years, and he was asked this question, “Do you want to get well?” I immediately thought to myself, “What an absurd question. Of course, he wants to get well. He’s crippled—can’t walk. Of course, he wants to walk and run and enjoy life!”

And then it struck me. I had to ask myself these same vital and critical questions, “Elaine, do you want to get well? Do you want to be free from this pain?”

Now—

At the heart of emotional healing is the desire to get well. In my book, “Finding Peace After A Suicide Loss,” there are seven steps to hope and healing, and I can honestly share with you unequivocally, that I am healed. I am whole. I am at peace with my husband, with our younger son, with my friends, even with God. Along with my desire to heal, I told God everything—every pain, every hurt, every mistake, every miserable thought I had ever thought and every wrong deed I had ever done. I screamed at him, but he understood.

And I discovered an astonishing truth: God still loved me anyway! Those first gut-wrenching prayers were the beginning of my healing journey to peace. Of course, I started my healing journey with baby-steps in changing the way I way I thought. I stopped believing the lies I had mistakenly thrust upon myself. I started smiling again, doing more for others, being thankful for what I had over what I had lost, and I started to learn about forgiveness— my hardest task, my longest task, ““but my greatest reward.

If you have lost a loved one to suicide, you too can heal. You can be whole again, free from emotional pain and loss. You can have peace, even joy again in your life! Oh, you may still shed tears, but consider them your scars. You may still miss your loved one, but your love for them can give you a reason to enjoy life.

Set your mind on loving again, especially yourself. Set your mind on forgiving, especially yourself. And finally, free yourself from the lie that you will never heal. You can heal. You can forgive. You can love again. You see, “Love never fails.” and your ability to love others will be a daily reminder of your triumph over tragedy.

Background and Bio

Suicide deaths around the world have risen 66% in 2020. An unbelievable 1.3 million people chose to end their lives according to the World Health Organization. It is the second leading cause of death in Canada and in America in the 12-30 age group. Veterans in America are choosing suicide at an alarming rate, and every year across the globe, survivors in the suicide aftermath number into the millions.

I am healed! I am living life to the fullest! I found peace after my son’s suicide. My name is Elaine Kennelly, and I call myself a Wounded Healer, one who has healed, and now is passionate about helping others heal.

 My most-recent book, “Finding Peace After a Suicide Loss,” has just been released by Morgan James Publishing and is available worldwide in bookstores such as Barnes & Noble and online sources everywhere, including Amazon. For an author-signed copy, go to www.SuicideHealing.com or www.elainekennelly.com where Elaine also has a weekly Blog. Subscribe on her website, and you will received her blog for free!