Understanding The Biblical Role of Grandparents

What is the biblical role of a grandparent? Biblically, every member of the family has been given an important, God-ordained role that is not interchangeable with other members of the family. Husbands are told to be the head of the home and to lovingly lead their family (Eph. 5:23). Wives are given the role of helpmate and are to follow their husband’s leadership (Gen. 2:18; Eph. 5:22). Children are told to honor their parents through obedience (Ex. 20:12; Eph. 6:1).

If the Bible clearly defines the role of other family members, does it also define the role of grandparent? The Bible is clear on the subject, but American culture is not and many Christians have unintentionally adopted a non-biblical view of grandparenthood.

Cultural Messages About Grandparenting

In culture there is great uncertainty concerning the meaning and purpose of old age. Ambiguity surrounds the grandparent role. For example, one author states that we have a “cultural crisis” concerning the meaning and purpose of old age. Another author states, “there is new uncertainty about what it means to be a grandparent and what grandparents are supposed to do.” Many Christian grandparents do not understand their God-designed role or the specific ways God wants them to pass faith on to future generations.

We have created its own role for grandparents and it is known to scholars as “the new social contract.” The core values of the social contract include non-interference by grandparents, emotional independence from children, and personal autonomy. Families unconsciously operate according to the agreement that children will grow up, move away, start their own family, and become independent from one another. Experts encourage families to aim for closeness at a distance, but what is gained is lonely, overburdened, and disconnected families. The social contract has amputated generations from one another and left countless grandchildren as grand-orphans who do not have the intimate influence of a grandparent in their life.

“The social contract has amputated generations from one another and left countless grandchildren as grand-orphans who do not have the intimate influence of a grandparent in their life.”

Because the role of grandparents is not clearly defined by culture, it is viewed as an extra, a role not essential to the functioning of the family or the growth and development of grandchildren. Grandparents themselves fear meddling in their children’s and grandchildren’s lives. While the relationship, when it exists, can be very positive, its limited and tenuous nature removes grandparents from the central hub of family life and places them on the periphery with a minimal role.

Children’s Literature

Children’s literature provides a glimpse into the role society assigns grandparents. A few notable titles include Grandmas Are for Giving Tickles and Grandpas Are for Finding Worms. The children’s book What Grandpas and Grandmas Do Best suggests that grandparents are for playing hide-and- seek, singing a lullaby, building a sandcastle, and playing games. In Grandma, Grandpa, and Me grandparents are to play with, work along side, and have fun with. Children’s literature speaks of a grandparent’s role as one of playmate and companion.

In general, society has lost its compass regarding why the generations should interact, how they are to do so, and what responsibilities one has to the other. A high percentage of Christian grandparents have embraced culture’s view of grandparenting and need a renewed biblical vision regarding their role in the family and purpose in society.

The Biblical Foundation for Grandparenting

The Bible has many references to grandparenting, but they are often missed because the Bible uses phrases such as children’s children, son’s son, father’s father, or forefather to speak about grandparenting. As you read three examples, pay attention to the responsibilities that God gives grandparents.

Deut. 4:9 “Teach them [God’s commands] to your children and your children’s children.”

Deut. 6:2-9 “Fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children…”

Ps. 78: 4-8 “Tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord…which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn.”

The one word that describes the totality of a grandparent’s role biblically is the word heritage. Grandparents have inherited a faith they are to pass on to their children (Eph. 6:1-4; Deut. 6:2-9) and their grandchildren (Deut. 4:9; Ps. 78:1-8). This is the biblical idea of heritage.

Specifically, the grandparent’s role is to be a disciple-maker of future generations by focusing on the salvationand sanctification of their family (Ps. 78:7-8). Grandparents are to pay close attention to their own walk with Christ (Deut. 6:4) and live a Christ-centered life worthy of imitation where they can say to a grandchild,

“imitate me as I imitate Christ.” A grandparent’s priority is to be their grandchild’s Christ-like maturity (Col. 1:28-19).

Psalm 78

Psalm 78 is one of my favorite passages to explain the role and responsibility God has given grandparents. Psalm 78 is a historical Psalm that serves as a warning to motivate grandparents to look at a failed example of family discipleship in hopes of avoiding a similar outcome with their family. Psalm 78:8 states, “That they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God.” The words “stubborn” and “rebellious” summarize the outcome that this passage wants you to avoid with your family.

“God identifies three key methods that are central to passing faith on to future generations.”

God identifies three key methods that are central to passing faith on to future generations (Ps. 78:1-7). First, God provides a four-generation vision for families: fathers, children, children yet unborn, and their children (Ps. 78:5-6). God wants you to think multi- generationally and gives you a large vision to leave a lasting legacy in Christ that will last for generations to come.

The second aspect of a grandparent’s role is to tell God’s works and is found in Psalm 78:4, “tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord and his might and the wonders he has done.” To “tell” means to report, to count, to make known, to make a written record. God wants you to report to your grandchildren (the coming generation) what God has done in your life (his glorious deeds). Telling focuses on describing the work of God and his nature with the hope that your grandchildren will be captivated by God and worship Him. God has given you a testimony and wants you to be a messenger using your life as the means to glorify God.

The third method is to teach God’s law and is found in verse 5, “God has appointed a law in Israel which he commanded our fathers (grandfathers or forefathers) to teach…”

Teaching is a central element of a grandparent’s role. The Hebrew word “teach” means to instruct or guide. Guidance is a goal-oriented word. It suggests that there is a specific outcome you are working toward and teaching is a method to that end. A good guide knows the end destination, shows others the path, and instructs along the way.

Grandparents are to teach God’s law, which includes the following:

• God is the source of morality. Your grandchild must develop the firm conviction that God determines right and wrong.

• The gospel. Every grandchild has broken God’s law and needs the free gift of grace through faith in Christ.

• Obedience to authority. Your grandchild must be encouraged to live in a manner worthy of the gospel in accordance with God’s commands ( 28:18-20).

• The core truths of Christianity. The pattern of Scripture is for children of all ages to be taught the core truths of the Bible so that they will be firmly rooted in Christ and established in their faith (Col 2:7; 2 Tim. 1:5).

The overall aim of grandparenting is the salvation and sanctification of children and grandchildren. Psalm 78:7 speaks about this goal, “so that they place their hope in God and obey his commands.” God provides three methods to reach that goal: a multi-generational vision, telling his work through your testimony, and teaching obedience to God’s commands based on the Bible.

Society communicates a powerful message that grandparents are extras, not essential to the family. Nothing could be further from the truth. If the history of Israel teaches us anything, it is that grandparents are critical figures in the faith formation of the young.

I want to encourage you to take your cues regarding the role of grandparenthood from the

Bible and not from culture. A grandparent’s main role is not to spoil a grandchild or be his or her companion. A grandparent’s purpose is not to indulge themselves during the last third of their life. God designed grandparents as disciple-makers for the purpose of passing on a heritage of faith to future generations. May you give pursue this task with much delight!

If you are looking for resources to assist you in being a disciple-making grandparent, consider the books Biblical Grandparenting and Discipling Your Grandchildren as well as the many resources from The Christian Grandparenting Network, found at ChristianGrandparenting.com.

Josh Mulvihill is the Executive Director of Church and Family Ministry at Renewanation. He served as a pastor for nearly 20 years, has a PhD in Family Ministry, serves on the board of Awana, and is the author or editor of ten books on parenting and grandparenting including Biblical Grandparenting, Preparing Children for Marriage, Biblical Worldview, and his latest 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home. He is married to Jen, they have five children, and live on a family farm in Minnesota. Josh blogs at GospelShapedFamily.com, enjoys camping with friends, reading a great book around the bonfire, and catching big fish in Minnesota lakes.

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