A Man’s Guide to Prayer: Part 1

Do you want to become the kind of man who walks with God and influences our world for Christ? You’ll need a consistent regimen of spiritual exercises. The following excerpt on prayer is from Patrick Morley’s book “A Man’s Guide to the Spiritual Disciplines,” which highlights twelve habits that will strengthen your walk with Christ.

What is Prayer?

Charles Spurgeon called prayer “the natural outgushing of a soul in communion with Jesus.”1 In his book Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster suggests, “Of all the spiritual disciplines, prayer is most central because it ushers in perpetual communion with the Father.” Most men who pick up this book are already investing themselves to some degree in prayer. Most of us already know the merits of praying. But that raises a question: Some men act on that knowledge, praying a lot. Others pray only a little. Why?

Let’s begin by defining terms. I see prayer as the conversation that turns salvation into a close personal relationship with God. So when I say “a little” and “a lot,” I’m not necessarily referring to a quantity of time. Some people talk a lot without actually saying much. Others say a lot in just a few words. Praying “a little” or “a lot” has more to do with the level of intimacy attained through prayer.

Prayer as the conversation that turns salvation into a close personal relationship with God.

Sometimes men object to the word intimacy, but I think a secure man can admit that he craves a close relationship with God. Prayer plays an important part in making that happen. Real prayer is a two-way conversation. Certainly, we talk to God, but we also listen. Think about how boring it is when you go to lunch with someone who does nothing but talk. The result isn’t a conversation—it’s a monologue. When I refer to a man who prays a lot, I’m talking about a guy whose prayer is a conversation. I’m not talking about someone who prattles incessantly at God.

Why Should We Pray?

Most people pray to receive. They ask God to meet their needs or desires. Frankly, God invites us to do that, so let’s not demean that motivation. Let’s just say it’s not the only motivation. As noted, prayer is a primary venue for developing intimacy with God. That’s a precious gift, so why do many men resist praying?

I can only answer that for myself. When I refuse to pray, I sometimes find I’ve been subconsciously trying to “get back at God” for not doing what I wanted. In that emotional moment, it seems less than Christian to feel this way, so I suppress it. The problem is, it still comes out in my behavior—I avoid communication. If you are married, you know exactly what I mean. This is, of course, a form of passive-aggressive resistance.

It’s not an unusual response. In fact, we see it occasionally in biblical characters. For instance, God gave the prophet Jonah a job he didn’t like, so he sulked. He went silent and tried to run away. He boarded a ship to go in the opposite direction from the place God had directed him. He ended up in a storm, was thrown overboard, and swallowed by a fish before he finally repented and resumed praying.

Hopefully, you won’t have to experience such drastic measures when you need to repent and restore your relationship with God. But Jonah’s story dramatizes the risks of not praying.

If you sense you are “shutting down” in this area, please be honest. Go ahead and tell God, “You know, I’m really angry with You about this right now.” (Or perhaps you are hurt, disappointed, frustrated, scared, confused, doubtful. . . . You fill in the emotion.) Honest communication is much healthier than the passive-aggressive alternative.

Learn how prayer can be a two-way conversation rather than a one-way monologue. Click here for Patrick Morley’s FREE guide to prayer on YouVersion to further explore how to make prayer a habit and determine multiple ways to help incorporate this discipline into your daily life.

Take the Next Step

Have you wanted to cultivate a deeper walk with God? Let Patrick Morley help you craft a personalized set of spiritual practices. In his new and expanded book, A Man’s Guide to the Spiritual Disciplines, you will discover twelve energizing habits that can strengthen your walk with Jesus. Click here to learn more. 

Motivated by his own search for meaning, purpose, and a deeper relationship with God, Patrick Marley started a weekly Bible study in a bar with a handful of guys in 1986—a study that now reaches thousands of men around the world every week. Inspired and challenged by those studies and conversations, he wrote The Man in the Mirror, named one of the 100 most influential books of the 20th century. The deep hunger he saw in men for a more authentic life led him to start Man in the Mirror—a global men’s ministry impacting thousands of churches and millions of men. Widely regarded as a leading authority on men’s issues, Patrick has written 22 books and more than 750 articles—all focused on helping men solve their most compelling problems. His books have been translated into numerous languages and printed in 48 countries. “The ministry of Man in the Mirror exists,” says Patrick Morley, “in answer to the prayers of all those wives, mothers, and grandmothers who have for decades been praying for the men in their lives.” Patrick graduated from the University of Central Florida, earned a PhD in management, completed postgraduate studies at Harvard Business School and Oxford University, and graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary. He and his wife live in Winter Park, Florida. They have two married children and five grandchildren.

Photo by Bobby Johnson on Unsplash