From Tragedy to Triumph

My oldest daughter was a chip off the old block in too many ways. She was a good student who enjoyed sports.  So much so, in fact, that she was a four-sport athlete in her early high school years – volleyball, basketball, track and softball. I would take her to a local basketball court and play games of HORSE with her on a regular basis, and would pitch to her repeatedly, as she was a catcher. Her grades were always good, but she was growing disinterested in class, and placed more importance in the action of sports. In the summer after her junior year, she started hanging out with the wrong friends after her softball games. Soon she had lost interest in school altogether and dropped out.

Her life started spiraling into drugs and parties. She left home after a lot of disputes over her actions and temperament. She had stolen from us, lied to us, and ignored us for too long. She, nor I, could put up with it no longer. She wandered into a life filled with highs and lows, searching for answers but finding none. Her circle of friends was small and matched her lifestyle. We even lost track of her for a little while, but she always knew where we were. Our house had not moved, and we were home most of the time.

Then one day I was lying down on the back deck enjoying the sunshine when she came walking out to the deck. My wife would tell me later that she was scared to death that day but had to talk to me. I can’t remember the last time we had talked, but I knew she would not come to me if it was not something important.

I turned to face her as she said, “Dad, I have something to tell you and I don’t want you to get upset.”

“I’ll do my best, honey” I said to her.

“Dad, I’m pregnant.”  

As these words reached my ears, I got up from my lounge chair, walked over to her, wrapped my arms around her and said, “We are here for you.  We love you. Just let us know if there’s anything you need”

There were tears in our eyes, my wife included, as my hug stopped. My daughter had feared I would really be mad, as I was a religious guy, maybe not so spiritual at this time of my life. She thought I would be mad that she got pregnant. I was not. I was glad she came to us. This would be our first granddaughter, and we could not have been happier. Abortion was not even in her thought pattern, and we knew that. We were excited but had no idea what would follow.

Angela, my daughter, decided she had to get straightened out. She was going to be a mother, and her lifestyle at the time was nothing a child should be raised in. She achieved her GED, went back to school and got her BA, then her college degree, and now has two master’s degrees in accounting. She went through a few accounting jobs and then got certified with QuickBooks. She landed a job with a company in Georgia and works remotely as she travels the country doing what she loves – accounting. 

And that granddaughter she raised is amazing.  She started out living near us and would come to church with us for years. She loved her Mimi and Papa and spent many days and nights with us during those early years.  Then they moved about 2-1/2 hours away and she would call Mimi every day for a while. She was raised in a difficult household with a father who was proud, arrogant, and demanding. He was never physically abusive, but his words had a sting that would send her crying to her room. But she persisted. She was never great in school but always passed. She took up a couple sports, but never excelled. She was just a good, pretty average kid.

Then something changed in her. In her junior year, she had long black hair that reached halfway down her back. She learned that she could give her hair away to children who had cancer, and she had it all shaved off. Think about the social status demands of a teenage girl, and you will understand this was quite a risk. Her classmates praised her for it, and we just sat back and were amazed at her. But it did not stop there. Halfway through that junior year, she decided she would graduate early and join the National Guard. She had the credits and could do it easily. We were shocked, but encouraged and proud at the same time. Basic training and AIT followed, and she is now a sergeant in the National Guard and on the rise. Her fellow soldiers have all the respect for her, and we have pride in our hearts that will never leave. Now she has given us our first great grandson!

You never know what will become of difficult times. Our daughter put us through great distress and turmoil, but in the end gave us a grandchild that will be a leader in the military for a long time. She is only 22. Her legacy is part of mine, and I remember that quite a bit. Our job, our mission, is to simply love our kids and our grandkids, because we do not know the road that they will end up travelling. We can only pray that it will be a good one!

Peter Gardner, is an author, writer and cancer survivor. He is a vivid writer including his book “The A.S.K. Principal”, written while going through cancer, is a very thorough study on developing a more effective prayer life. A second book, A Stroll with the Psalmist: Uplifting Poetry for Everyday Life is one of poetry. Be sure to check out his website/blog with links to his other websites. At 72, Peter stays busy as a professional insurance agent, an associate in a local hardware store, prep work at a restaurant, and is a cartographer. He and his wife, Janeen live in a small town in Iowa and have been married for 45+ years. They have 3 daughters, 7 grandchildren and are welcoming their first great-grandchild in 2024. His life is full! 

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash