The one thing I most wanted to do with my life was be a great dad.

When Patsy and I brought Jen, our daughter and firstborn child, home from the hospital, all three of us were exhausted. I lay down and cradled our precious Jen on my chest. The warmth of that tiny body—a living person I helped create—and the thump, thump, thump of her acorn-sized heart will always be a top-ten memory for me.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family, nothing was more important to me than giving my children what I missed. But that thumping heartbeat shocked me back to the reality that I had no idea how to be a parent.

If you grew up like me, you likely had to guess at normal male behavior—including how to be a great dad. But today, regardless of where you’re starting from, you can nurture your children’s hearts and help them thrive. Here are some practical ideas to help you live as a daily dad who’s in the picture, regularly and liberally dispensing doses of love.

VERBAL LOVE

Love takes many forms, but it should always include verbal expression when it comes to your family. Never assume your children know you love them, believe in them, and are proud of them. It went unsaid in my childhood home, and the damage was devastating.

Instead, consistently encourage your children with words. Try to tell each child “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” at least once every day. Sound like too much? It’s not. Try it and see.

Love also looks like conversation. It’s never a good idea to say you’re too busy when a child wants to talk. If you truly can’t talk at that moment, then tell them clearly when you will be able to talk. And when you do, make sure you take time to discern what your child needs in each situation—whether words of comfort and solace, of encouragement and inspiration, or of admonition.

NON-VERBAL LOVE

Love also expresses itself in non-verbal ways. Never underestimate the healing power of physical touch, for example. Hug your kids every day.

Quality time is another powerful expression of love. If you’re unsure about where to begin, a good rule of thumb is this: The best way to spend time with your kids is the way in which they want to spend it. If they like drones, go to a drone park. If they like cheerleading, go to their games. If they like karate, learn karate with them.

Be intentional about incorporating these practices—encouragement, conversation, physical touch and quality time—into your interactions with your children as often as possible, no matter how old they are.

Building a healthy, happy home is a big responsibility—one that requires all the help we can get. At the top of the list is asking for God’s help. As the psalmist writes, “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1a, NIV).

Ask God to empower and guide you in breaking the cycle of intergenerational neglect or abuse. You can be that great dad who loves your children the way they need to be loved.

Much love, Pat

Motivated by his own search for meaning, purpose, and a deeper relationship with God, Patrick Marley started a weekly Bible study in a bar with a handful of guys in 1986—a study that now reaches thousands of men around the world every week. Inspired and challenged by those studies and conversations, he wrote The Man in the Mirror, named one of the 100 mos influential books of the 20th century. The deep hunger he saw in men for a more authentic life led him to start Man in the Mirror—a global men’s ministry impacting thousands of churches and millions of men. Widely regarded as a leading authority on men’s issues, Patrick has written 22 books and more than 750 articles—all focused on helping men solve their most compelling problems. His books have been translated into numerous languages and printed in 48 countries. “The ministry of Man in the Mirror exists,” says Patrick Morley, “in answer to the prayers of all those wives, mothers, and grandmothers who have for decades been praying for the men in their lives.” Patrick graduated from the University of Central Florida, earned a PhD in management, completed postgraduate studies at Harvard Business School and Oxford University, and graduated from Reformed Theological Seminary. He and his wife live in Winter Park, Florida. They have two married children and five grandchildren.

Photo by RohitPhotography