Jeff and Jessica sat in my office, clearly distraught. “Our four-year-old runs our home,” Jeff said, “and we don’t know what to do. We’ve tried everything: positive reinforcement, ignoring bad behavior, rewards, threats, timeouts, and lots of love. Nothing seems to work.”
Tears welled up in Jessica’s eyes as she recalled an incident that had become routine in their home. “It started as a simple trip to the store to get milk and eggs but ended as another parenting battle. I told Ethan to shut off the television and get his shoes on. Ethan was watching one of his favorite cartoons and ignored me.” Jessica cracked a smile, “Sometimes, I wonder if he has a hearing problem, but I had a few things to get ready before leaving, so I didn’t press the issue.”
Jessica continued, “After a few minutes, I poked my head into the living room and said, ‘Come on, Ethan. It’s time to go.’ Ethan half-heartedly responded and told me, ‘Not yet mom. The show isn’t over.’ I could feel the frustration growing, and this time, my voice grew louder as well. ‘Ethan, let’s go!’”
“I waited a few moments to see if Ethan would respond, but it became obvious he had no intention of getting up. At this point,” Jessica admitted, “I snapped. ‘ETHAN!’ That got his attention, and he got up slowly, inched his way to the television, and took in every last second he could. When he reached the television, the pleading began.”
“Ethan begged, ‘But mom, can’t we wait until the show is over? It won’t take long. Please, mom.’ I was so frustrated and told Ethan, ‘No! We have to pick up milk and eggs so we can make your sister a birthday cake before she gets home from school today.’ Ethan just kept pushing, ‘But mom. Please, mom.’ At this, I yelled, ‘ETHAN! I TOLD YOU TO GET YOUR SHOES ON! SHUT THE TV OFF!’”
“Ethan knew I meant it this time, but his pleading turned to defiance. He shut off the television and complained all the way to the back door. With his shoes in hand, he started to cry. It wasn’t a sad cry. It was a mad cry. It was an ear-piercing, neighbors-can-hear-it-through-the-wall cry. And it turned into a full-blown temper tantrum complete with kicking and screaming as Ethan thrashed on the floor.”
When it comes to discipline, there are many parents like Jeff and Jessica, who are frustrated and confused, lost in a sea of opinions, and unclear how to correct a child. Jeff and Jessica want to be good parents, but they don’t understand the biblical principles of discipline or how to apply them to parenting.
Josh Mulvihill is the Executive Director of Church and Family Ministry at Renewanation. He served as a pastor for nearly 20 years, has a PhD in Family Ministry, serves on the board of Awana, and is the author or editor of ten books on parenting and grandparenting including Biblical Grandparenting, Preparing Children for Marriage, Biblical Worldview, and his latest 50 Things Every Child Needs to Know Before Leaving Home. He is married to Jen, they have five children, and live on a family farm in Minnesota. Josh blogs at GospelShapedFamily.com, enjoys camping with friends, reading a great book around the bonfire, and catching big fish in Minnesota lakes.
Featured Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
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