The last few days have been difficult both for my wife and for myself. Peg’s general confusion has increased as of late. A lot of times she is unable to finish a sentence because she forgets what it was that she wanted to talk about. I am struck by the actual shortness of her loss of short-term memory. Sometimes it is the simplest things like where her seat belt is located when she is in the car, or doing a sequence of two or three steps in accomplishing something, like putting one thing down to pick up another. And there is an element of obstinance in Peg that surfaces more frequently now, that is not always easy to deal with. Last night Peg was totally convinced that she did not take meds in the evening. She is taking her meds but every morning and every evening is a challenge. Sometimes she complies and other times she fights me tooth and nail. Even though I have reinforced to her that I would never lie to her or do anything that would hurt her in any way, her determination that she is correct seems to be taking precedence much more now than previously and she voices it. The TV clicker and her cell phone are continuously problematic and yet there are numerous times when she is quite adamant that she has no need of assistance. Last night we were watching a movie and she picked up the TV remote and switched the TV to a different subscription service we have, right in the middle of the movie we were watching, on a different subscription service, without any concern whatsoever for what we had been previously watching and felt justified in doing so. Her consideration for me is noticeably diminishing and I have to remind myself of her realties versus focusing on my own. It does make one realize how easily our focus can shift.

I usually try to find a general feel-good movie that has an uplifting conclusion and we have found some that she really likes but she is convinced that she has never seen it before, even though I now know the voiced scripts pretty well by heart. Watching TV is now pretty much my concession to her needs, but that can get on my nerves after a long day. I slip away to clean up the kitchen or take a shower when it starts to really get to me. Curbing my own emotions is more frequent and more difficult now at times and that bothers me.

Today was beautiful here so we went for an extended drive and it was indeed enjoyable. We laughed and joked around with each other and it was good, but that can change at the drop of a hat when we get home. I continue to try to put myself in her mind state and it would be extremely dis-settling to say the least, so I reinforce my love and attention as frequently as I can.

My prayers for guidance and control over my own emotions are frequent and God does supply, but sometimes it appears to be a tad on the paper-thin side. I don’t want to add to the problem by placing my own emotional needs over Peg’s, because clearly, her’s take precedence. The connection between Jesus and myself is so real because of my dependency. I would be lost without that connection. He keeps me level, He guides my focus, but it isn’t as easy as it was before. There is no question in my mind whatsoever about my need for God to control all that this situation entails. None whatsoever. One day at a time continues due to God’s grace.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES (Links that I found informative and helpful)

https://alzheimer.ca/en
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/alzheimers-changes-behavior-and-communication/alzheimers-caregiving-managing-personality-and
https://alzheimer.ca/en/help-support/im-caring-person-living-dementia
https://www.verywellmind.com/the-7-stages-of-dementia-symptoms-and-what-to-expect-6823696
https://www.verywellmind.com/caring-for-a-loved-one-with-alzheimer-s-disease-5208724
https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-not-to-do-to-people-with-alzheimers-disease-97967
https://alzheimer.ca/en/help-support/im-living-dementia/managing-changes-your-abilities/managing-emotions-stress-living
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/i-will-not-forget-you
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/symptoms/restlessness

More to follow.

Worthy is the Lamb! Blessings!

Bruce Cooper is a disciple of Jesus, married to Peggy, with 5 grown up children, 7 grandchildren. He is retired from the Canadian Armed Forces and resides in beautiful Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. a.k.a. “Papa.” To read more of Bruce’s work visit Reasoned Cases For Christ.  

Featured Image by Matthias Wewering from Pixabay