(To Begin in  Part 1)

Picking up from where we left off in part 3, we begin with,

Step 3 – Practice Kindness in the Hard Moments

Theory is easy. Application is where most men fall apart.

Let’s get specific. Your wife criticizes how you loaded the dishwasher. Your immediate reaction is defensiveness. You want to explain why she’s wrong, list all the things she does that annoy you, or just shut down and walk away. That’s not kindness. That’s ego protection.

Here’s what kindness looks like instead: Pause. Breathe. Recognize that her comment probably has nothing to do with the dishwasher. She’s stressed. Overwhelmed. Maybe she feels unseen or unappreciated. Instead of defending yourself, ask, “What do you need from me right now?” Sometimes she doesn’t even know. Just asking the question shifts the entire dynamic.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NIV).

Gentle doesn’t mean weak. It means controlled. You have the power to escalate or de-escalate every conflict. Most men escalate because they feel attacked. Strong men absorb the hit, stay calm, and respond with kindness even when it’s undeserved. That’s Christlike.

Here’s another scenario: Your kids are losing their minds at bedtime. Screaming, fighting, refusing to cooperate. You’ve had a brutal day. You just want silence. Every instinct says to yell, threaten consequences, and force compliance. That might work short-term. Long-term, you’re teaching them that power equals volume and anger gets results.

Kindness in that moment looks like kneeling down, making eye contact, and saying, “I know you’re tired. I’m tired too. Let’s work together to get you in bed so we can all rest.” Firm, clear boundaries without rage. Discipline without cruelty. You’re teaching them that strength doesn’t need to shout.

What about at work? Coworker takes credit for your idea. Disrespects you in a meeting. Undermines you behind your back. Kindness doesn’t mean letting it slide. It means addressing it directly without seeking revenge. Pull them aside. “Hey, I noticed what happened in that meeting. Let’s talk about it.” Clear. Honest. No games.

Kindness always pursues resolution, not retaliation. It confronts because it cares, not because it wants to win. Big difference.

Or how about this: You’re stuck in traffic. Running late. Guy cuts you off. Your anger spikes instantly. Road rage feels justified. Kindness in that moment looks like choosing to let it go. Recognizing that guy might be rushing to the hospital. Or maybe he’s just a jerk. Either way, your response isn’t about him. It’s about who you are in Christ.

Every hard moment is a test. Will you react out of your flesh, or respond out of the Spirit? The more you practice kindness in small moments, the easier it becomes in big ones. It’s a muscle. You build it through repetition.

Start small. Today, when someone irritates you, pause before you respond. Take three deep breaths. Ask yourself: What would kindness look like here? Then do that. You’ll fail sometimes. That’s fine. Get up and try again tomorrow. Over time, it becomes your default.

Kindness isn’t about never feeling anger or frustration. It’s about refusing to let those emotions dictate your actions. You feel the rage. You acknowledge it. Then you choose a better way. That’s strength under control. That’s Christlikeness in real time.

Step 4 – Lead Your Home With Patient Strength

Your home is ground zero.

If you’re not kind at home, your faith is a show. You can impress people at church, lead a Bible study, serve on a committee—but if your wife dreads your mood swings and your kids walk on eggshells around you, none of that matters. The gospel is proven or disproven in your living room.

Paul gives husbands a standard that should terrify and motivate us in equal measure

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25-27, NIV).

Christ didn’t love the church when she deserved it. He loved her when she was broken, rebellious, and covered in sin. Then He gave Himself up to make her beautiful. That’s your job as a husband. Love her sacrificially, patiently, and persistently—not because she’s perfect, but because Christ did the same for you.

Practically, that means apologizing when you’re wrong. Not defensively. Not with a “but you did this.” Just own it. “I was harsh and impatient. I sinned against you. Will you forgive me?” That’s leading with humility, and it’s one of the most powerful things you can model for your family.

It means listening to her—really listening, not just waiting for your turn to talk. When she’s stressed, resist the urge to fix everything immediately. Sometimes she just needs you to say, “That sounds hard. I’m with you.” Presence matters more than solutions.

It means serving her in the mundane stuff. Dishes. Laundry. Kids’ homework. Bedtime routines. Don’t keep score. Don’t expect a trophy for doing what you should be doing anyway. Serve because you love her, and because Christ served you.

For your kids, kindness looks like patient discipline. Correcting without crushing. Teaching without yelling. When they disobey, you address it firmly but without rage. You explain why the boundary exists, not just that it does. You give consequences that teach, not punish out of anger.

Kindness also means being present. Put your phone down. Make eye contact. Play with them even when you’re tired. Ask about their day and actually listen. Show them that they matter more than your email, your social media, your stress. They’re watching everything. They’ll remember how you made them feel long after they forget what you said.

Lead your home the way Christ leads His church—sacrificially, patiently, with strength that serves rather than dominates. Your family should feel safer, more loved, and more secure because you’re in the house. If they don’t, something needs to change.

Be sure to Visit tomorrow for our final Part 5

Tyer Inloes is a graduate of California State University, Northridge and a Certified Personal Trainer & Fitness Nutrition Specialist. He grew up as a “Chunky Christian.” To solve his personal weight problem, he turned to God and the Bible for help. His goal is now to help believers reach their full potential – both physically & spiritually by teaching us how the journey to a healthier body and a closer relationship with God go hand in hand. His mission is to help us transform our bodies into the temple God designed it to be, so that we can live our God given purpose. Tyler is married and has two children. When he is not training, he enjoys family, playing basketball with his son, or Disney Princess with his daughter. He also enjoys a well-deserved date night with his wife as much as possible. To find out more about Tyler please visit his website.

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