Just Say It Louder

By John Foucar

I had to go to the doctors’ office some time ago and as I was waiting for my appointment, a man came in who was obviously in the wrong place. It happens all the time. With our smartphones and GPS it’s a lot easier than it used to be to find our way around but, there are still times that we just end up in the wrong place. We’ve written down the wrong address, taken a wrong turn. Now we’re late and frustrated. You’ve been there, right?

What was interesting in this instance is that this particular lost man did not speak English. At least not well. If I had to guess, I’d say his native language originated somewhere in Eastern Europe. The receptionist, as you might guess, only spoke English and so the exchange became, let me say, entertaining. Now, I don’t mean to be callous. In fact, I was empathetic to this man’s plight. I’ve been in similar situations when traveling, I didn’t speak the local language and had difficulty communicating the simplest ideas. Still, if one were to observe my reaction to the circumstances, they would have seen me quietly chuckling to myself. Maybe even shaking my head a little as I chuckled.

What was so entertaining? So, amusing? Simply this, it struck me that our common reaction to these sorts of situations is just a little funny. When someone can’t understand us, we begin to speak more slowly and, inevitably, louder. Sometimes even with frustration and anger. Isn’t it silly? Do we really think that raising our voice, simply increasing the volume, will help someone understand any better what we are trying to say? Yet, we seem to naturally do just that: We want to say it louder.

And it’s not just language barriers that have this effect. When we disagree with each other about, well, just about anything, the temptation is to raise our voices. Just say it louder. The issue may be very important or of no importance at all. It doesn’t really seem to matter. We see sportscasters yelling at each other as they attempt to explain why one team or player is better than another. News commentators and politicians yell at each other over political differences. Within our current culture, the vitriol seems to be escalating.

That just isn’t how it is supposed to be. The scripture tells us “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Pr 15:1) We don’t have to be deeply spiritual, or even believe at all, to see the wisdom in what this proverb says. We know from experience that it is true, don’t we? It is just about impossible to stay angry when someone responds to us gently. And, of course, the opposite is true as well. When someone hurls a “harsh word” at us our natural reaction is to respond in kind. There is no mystery here. The simple question we have to ask ourselves is, will I give a “gentle answer” or a “harsh word”?

For those of us who call ourselves followers of Christ our instruction is always to treat others with gentleness and respect. Implicit in every situation is that whoever we are dealing with is a loved creation of God (yes, even if they don’t realize it). Each and every one of us deserves respect and love for that reason alone. Our differing background, culture, race, politics, and spiritual beliefs don’t change who we are at root, loved creations of God.

Don’t misunderstand. I’m not suggesting that we can’t disagree. In fact, I don’t think we can look around and see the state of our world without seeing things with which we have to disagree. Things that we just can’t ignore. We can’t help but see things that need correction and people who need guidance. The way we approach these differences, though, makes all the difference. We simply can’t just say it louder. If we do, rather than helping, we may just end up making an enemy or ending a relationship.

Paul the Apostle instructs Timothy that “the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone” and that “opponents must be gently instructed.” (2 Ti 2:24-25) And Peter writes that when we are asked about our faith, we should give our answers with “gentleness and respect. (1 Pe 3:15) Why? Why is it so important to respond with gentleness and respect? Because there is more at stake than winning an argument or just being right. What we want is for people to see Jesus in us so we can point them in His direction. As Paul puts it, we do everything “in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.” (2 Ti 2:25)

I’ve become wise enough to know that there are instances where I have to bite my tongue for the sake of “gentleness and respect.” I’m sorry to say that there were plenty of instances that I didn’t bite my tongue and I regret them. Let’s choose our words carefully. Filling them with gentleness and respect and, when the time comes, let’s not “just say it louder.” 

Dave Foucar has a passion for teaching God’s word and has led Sunday School, Bible Studies, and Small Groups of all ages. He has served as a supply preacher and has been a lead speaker and seminar leader at Couples Retreats, Men’s Retreats, and Family and Youth Camps. David’s first book, “What Do I Say When Asked About Jesus?” is a conversational approach to helping people answer questions about Jesus. The book provides a layman’s perspective on personal evangelism and the basics of the Christian faith. “What Do I Say When Asked about Jesus?” gives the average Christian tools to help share about Jesus while increasing confidence in their own faith. Dave has been married for thirty-six years to the love of his life, Debbie. They have three daughters, two sons-in-law, and two granddaughters.  To read more of David’s writing visit his Substack page.

Feature Photo by Karolina Grabowska