The Power of Forgiveness

Who are the people on your “bad list?” Who are the faces and names that come to mind when you revisit painful events from your past?

“But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” —Mark 11:2

Have you ever felt like your prayers go nowhere? Maybe there have been times when you’ve been frustrated in relationships? We may miss the connection, but these two areas of prayers and relationships are inextricably connected.

With that in mind, can I ask you a personal question? Who are the people on your “bad list?” Not that you have an actual list—but who are the faces and names that come to mind when you revisit painful events from your past?

Most of us have experienced hurt from others and experienced the anger that comes with it. So, the question is not whether you have experienced hurt, disappointment or betrayal. The question is what have you done with the anger that results from it? There are at least a couple of different ways we deal with anger.

The first is to deny it. “It’s no big deal; I just forget about it and move on.”

Really? Did you forget about it and move on? Or does that painful experience continue to replay in your memory? Denying or stuffing your anger doesn’t resolve anything and only sets you up for problems down the road. Lonely self-isolation is often the result: we distance ourselves from people. You ghost some and distance yourself from others.

The second way I can deal with anger is to fixate on it. Maybe even think of ways I can get back at them. Revenge. “I’ll teach them a lesson.” “What goes around comes around.” When we live a life thinking about pay-back, we will end up living a lonely existence as well: others will distance themselves from us. Anger only fills me with more of me. God is not free to work through a life filled with anger.

Jesus gave us a better way. He said:

“When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against.”

“But wait Jesus—they are the one who offended me! Why would I forgive them?” He follows it up with this:  

“So your heavenly Father will forgive your sins, too.”

Here is why we hold grudges. Offenses are like loans: the person who has offended me is now in debt to me. To forgive someone means to release them from what they owe me. So we hold onto that debt/grudge.

When we hold grudges, we live separated from God in unforgiveness. Instead of experiencing the freedom that comes from confession, we live in a kind of self-induced, toxic self-righteousness. 

But Jesus reminds us of a larger transaction that has taken place in our lives: the complete forgiveness that we experience by becoming a child of God.  We are given a new start, a new beginning.

“So,” Jesus says, “when you forgive others the ‘pound’ of offenses that they have committed against you, you’re doing it in recognition of God’s forgiveness of the ‘ton’ of offenses you’ve committed against Him.”

Remember: You will never forgive another person more than God has already forgiven you.

Do you want your prayers to rise past the ceiling? Do you want to have healthy relationships going forward? Do you want to experience the freedom you once had in the past? Forgive those who have offended you.

One final thought: if these offenses continue to come to mind (even though you have forgiven the other person), look for a way to show your love to this person in tangible way. A small gift of some kind would be huge. And if your pride won’t allow you to do it, recognize that it is pride, and take it down. f

Then if they continue to come to mind, pray for the person’s success! Sometimes our thought habits take time to catch up with our heart.

This is the place of healing. This is the place to thrive. Forgiveness frees us from the toxicity of anger and grudge-holding and opens the door to a healthy relationship with God and others.  

Love you, Pastor Bill

Bill Herried is lead pastor at CenterPoint Christian Fellowship in Tacoma, Washington. He has an undergraduate degree from the University of Washington in Seattle, and Master of Divinity from Corban University in Salem, Oregon. He is married to the most extraordinary woman on the planet. Together they have 3 adult children and 4 grandchildren and loves a good biryani. You can learn more about Bill on his blog, Your Daily Encouragement