On Becoming a Grandfather
All About God
On Thursday, December 1, 2016, I became a grandfather for first time. Zachary David Ettinger made his world debut weighing in at a whopping 9 pounds, 9 ounces. The parents, my son Aaron and his wonderful wife Kati, were beaming.
For me, the birth of Zachary was all about God, His glory and grace on full display, His faithfulness and goodness well attested to. With a thankful heart I call to mind these soaring words from Ephesians 3:20: “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.”
Recalling the Dark Days
This blessed event is so special because of what has come before, during the darkest days of my life. Aaron, who would be my only child, was born in November of 1983. I was thrilled to be a father and threw myself into it with everything I had. I loved Aaron foremost above all things, and he meant everything to me.
Sadly, I was far less the husband than I was the father, and Barb and I divorced when Aaron was 2½ years old. The trauma of the divorce led me to Christ, but I nonetheless found myself in a precarious position. Almost from the outset, I was beset by friends and family telling me that I better find a good lawyer as soon as possible in order to protect my custodial rights. They buttressed their warnings with dire stories of ex-husbands whose wives had remarried and taken the kids to another state. The same would happen to me, they declared, if I did not act fast.
Such tales affected me deeply as I spent many sleepless nights agonizing over the possibility of losing the son I so deeply loved. Three things worked against me. First, as a sportswriter in a small city, I did not make a lot of money and simply could not afford an attorney. Second, Barb was an excellent mom and courts in such cases overwhelmingly rule favorably for the mother. Third, Barb remarried two years later, and her husband made a very good salary. If a custody battle ever ensued, I wouldn’t stand a chance.
As a counter-balance was the fact that Barb and I had a very civil divorce and were on very civil terms. Also, Barb’s new husband, Jim, was (and is) a good man who was sympathetic to my situation and was certainly not looking to cause harm. However – and this is what scared me – Jim was the city planner of our city, Las Cruces, New Mexico, and was very good at what he did. Being relatively young, he was an excellent candidate for similar positions in bigger cities, and I knew it would be difficult for him to turn down lucrative offers if they arose. If the right offer came his way and he accepted, he, Barb, and Aaron would be moving, and there would be nothing I could do to stop them.
Crying Out to God
Being totally helpless, I cried out to God for His grace and protection. “Lord,” I prayed, “there are so many awful fathers who could care less about their kids, yet they still get to live in the same home as them. I, on the other hand, would die for my son, and yet I must live with the constant threat of losing him. I plead with you, don’t let me lose Aaron. Give Barb and Jim so much happiness and satisfaction that they never want to leave. And if I must lose Aaron, then give me at least five years with him.”
Those prayers proved my greatest comfort, and they were effective. As weeks, months, and years passed, I felt the Lord assuring me when I needed it most that there was no way He was going to allow me to lose Aaron. He indeed began blessing Barb and Jim. First, Jim got promoted from city planner to city manager, and soon after Barb got pregnant with her son Chris. Also, relations between the three of us were exceptionally good, and Barb never brought up the issue of she and Jim moving. In June of 1991, on the five-year anniversary of our divorce, I praised God for the five years he had given me with Aaron. However, Aaron was only 7 years old, and the five years were not enough. I asked God for five more.
A Faithful God
In His faithfulness, God determined that my “five more years” prayer was insufficient, and increased it. He also took away my fear. Furthermore, Barb and Jim had one more child, Emily, and they allowed me to have a special place in their children’s lives.
Just before Aaron’s senior year in high school, Barb and I decided it was time for me to accept a job offer made 11 years previous in Orlando (yes, it was still in effect). We both knew that Aaron would excel more in Orlando than in a small city. I would leave during Aaron’s senior year in order to establish residency so that Aaron could receive in-state college tuition. At the end of 2002, following Aaron’s graduation, Barb, Jim, Chris, and Emily loaded up their van for an Orlando vacation – and to transport Aaron to his new home.
Aaron lived with me for four years, then branched out on his own (here in Orlando). He met his future wife Kati in 2010, and the two married in 2014. In March of 2016, Aaron called me with the joyous news that Kati was pregnant.
As I held little Zachary for the first time, I was filled with gratitude to the Lord for giving me such a blessing I could not have dreamed of all those years ago. And as I drove home from the hospital that evening, I thought back to those dark days when I feared losing Aaron. I asked God for five years, and He delivered so much more; He has so far given me (at the time of this writing) 31 years, a daughter-in-law, and a grandson!
The words of Ephesians 3:20 indeed ring true, and let’s add verse 21: “Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.”
Amen indeed!
David Ettinger was born and raised in a Jewish family in New York. After moving to New Mexico as an adult, he suffered through many trials. The nudge of the Holy Spirit caused him to examine his heart and in 1986 he surrendered his life to Jesus and has walked with Him ever since. David holds a BA, and MA, in English from New Mexico State University. He began his journalism career writing for The Roundup, the university paper. After graduation he became the sportswriter for the El Paso Times. He has held many other positions as both writer and editor with major publications. David is active in providing his skills with Zion’s Hope, Inc., in Winter Garden, Florida. His publications include Lifeway publications, Single Parent magazine (Focus on the Family), Zion’s Fire magazine, and Real Life magazine. In addition, he served as managing editor for Zion’s Fire and Real Life. David’s book, Overcomers: 30 Stories of Triumph from the Bible, is available online. David is proud of his son and grandson. Please read his testimony here, on his website.
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