Our Aging Friendships

2024 has been a year of many challenges, victories and rewards. I am not going to go over all of these, but I think all my Christian Grandfather readers can probably say the same thing. I can easily look back and say that this has been a challenging year, but at the same time I can think more about the rewards that cem my way, and I can celebrate the many victories in areas where I struggled before. I think every year is like that. It all depends on our perspective, and on what we choose to put the most emphasis on. Personally, I like to walk on the high road. Not in a prideful way of course, but in a way that keeps me seeing the positive instead of the negative.

One big thing that happened is that I had a change in the hierarchy of my friendships. I know that sounds strange, but we all have some friends that are closer than others, and most of us gave that one friend that really sticks closer than a brother. This past year saw my best friend of 67 years decide he was going to discontinue the friendship. He thought he had sent me something, and I never remember receiving it, He wanted it back, and I did not have it. And he chose to make that more important than our long-standing friendship. We had been through so much through the years, and always come back together. It saddened me that this thing was more important to him than our lasting bond.

At the same time, it was a relief. He was a very toxic person. He would always rail me for my past and tout his closeness with God as if I did not even know Him. He was very ill all the time, always bringing his ailments up in a woe-is-me kind of way, but he would not listen to the doctors or to my advice. He was larger than life in his personality and always thought he knew what was best. Pride was his middle name. He had broken off our friendship many times in the past, only to come back to me and apologize. He always made me feel inferior, and there is a large part of me that is glad we are not in contact anymore. I miss him, but I really don’t need the hassle. Oh, and he lived 800 miles away from me, so we rarely saw each other.

But God is a loving God, and He has brought another friend into my life that is every bit as close, but much gentler. We have known each other for about 25 years but had little time to get together. Then two years ago he started a group for people who struggle with addiction, and I joined then group. We became close through that group and decided we would make it an accountability relationship. He is now a soulmate, and we meet almost weekly over breakfast to play cribbage and get caught upon things. He is a very good friend in every sense of the word, and I love him dearly. We also have a similar passion for the Word of God, and our maturity level is about the same.

There are times in our life when difficult changes come. Losing a long-standing friend is one of those difficult things. But our God is faithful. He will bring someone along who will fill the gap and bring comfort to our souls. A verse that has become a favorite of mine this year is Philippians 4:13-14, which says “forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward ot those things which are ahead…” I have learned to put the past in the past and look ahead to what God has for me next. Dwelling on past failures and hurts will never help us reach our goal of maturity in Christ. He is the prize we should be after, and if all else leaves us, He will still be there. He is the lasting friend that sticks closer than a brother.

Peter Gardner, is an author, writer and cancer survivor. He is a vivid writer including his book “The A.S.K. Principal”, written while going through cancer, is a very thorough study on developing a more effective prayer life. A second book, A Stroll with the Psalmist: Uplifting Poetry for Everyday Life is one of poetry. Be sure to check out his website/blog with links to his other websites. At 72, Peter stays busy as a professional insurance agent, an associate in a local hardware store, prep work at a restaurant, and is a cartographer. He and his wife, Janeen live in a small town in Iowa and have been married for 45+ years. They have 3 daughters, 7 grandchildren and are welcoming their first great-grandchild in 2024. His life is full! 

Image by Andy Oldham using DeepAI