My wife, who has dementia, and I, along with our now-grown children, have been navigating a particularly difficult time as of late as the progression of her condition brings about new challenges. Occasionally, I send email updates to our children, who lead busy lives, sharing significant changes as they occur. After a recent update, one of my sons replied, expressing how heartbreaking the situation is and commenting, “It’s not fair.”

In response, I wrote back, “It’s not about fairness, but rather about loving despite.” Yet, his use of the word “fairness” lingered in my thoughts.

As humans, we often view fairness through a lens that centers on our own circumstances. One definition of fairness is “the quality of treating people equally or in a way that is determined as being right or reasonable.” This concept naturally leads us to consider fairness as it relates to ourselves, in relation to others, but what about fairness in relation to God?

It struck me how the concept of fairness highlights the disparity between God’s actions toward us and our own toward Him:

• No, it wasn’t fair that humanity, despite the evidence of God’s glory in creation and His recorded Word, has so often chosen to reject Him and follow our own wisdom — only to blame the consequences of a broken world on “unfairness.”
• No, it wasn’t fair that God sent His Son to do what we, in our brokenness, could not. Jesus bore the cost of our sin and separation from God so that we could be made holy and accepted in God’s sight.
• No, it wasn’t fair to Jesus, who had not sinned against His Father, yet He endured the suffering, humiliation, and agony of the cross on our behalf. And He willingly chose to follow His Father’s will, even at great personal cost.
• No, it isn’t fair to God that our rebellion required Him to offer forgiveness through faith in Christ — a gift we neither deserved nor could ever repay.

And yet, in God’s divine wisdom and mercy, He always takes the first step toward reconciliation. He demonstrates a willingness to restore us long before we show a willingness to return to Him. His actions are the ultimate display of love “despite.”

If we pause to reflect, we see that God’s faithfulness transcends the bounds of fairness as we understand it. He doesn’t treat us as we deserve but instead offers us grace, mercy, and love. In a world often preoccupied with fairness, perhaps what we need most is to embrace the beauty of loving as He loves—despite.

So, the question remains: Are we willing to extend to others the same grace, mercy, and love that He extends to us? And can we let go of the fixation on fairness being applied to ourselves, trusting in the perfect wisdom and goodness of God?

Radically different? I think so.

Isaiah 55:8 NASB: “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.”

From one sheep in God’s sheepfold to another.

Respectfully submitted for your consideration.

Worthy is the Lamb! Blessings!

Bruce Cooper is a disciple of Jesus, married to Peggy, with 5 grown up children, 7 grandchildren. He is retired from the Canadian Armed Forces and resides in beautiful Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. a.k.a. “Papa.” To read more of Bruce’s work visit Reasoned Cases For Christ.  

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