(Start with Part 1)

You Can’t Give What You Haven’t Received

Here’s the deeper issue.

Even if you fix your sleep, clean up your diet, and start moving, you’ll still struggle with kindness if you’re spiritually empty. You can’t pour from a cup that’s dry. You can’t give love you’ve never received.

Most men operate from a deficit. They know about God’s love in theory, but they haven’t sat in it long enough to let it refill them. They pray quick prayers, read a verse or two if they’re lucky, and rush into the day still running on fumes. Then they wonder why they have nothing left to give their family by 6 p.m.

“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19, NIV).

Notice the order. God’s love comes first. You’re not generating this stuff on your own. You’re a conduit. When you disconnect from the source, the pipeline runs dry.

“Try harder to produce fruit.” He said, “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine” (John 15:4, NIV).

Remaining isn’t passive. It’s active dependence. It’s daily choosing to sit in His presence, receive His love, and let it saturate you until it overflows naturally into every relationship you touch.

When was the last time you spent unhurried time with God—not asking for things, not working through a to-do list of prayers, but just being with Him? When did you last let Him speak identity, value, and love over you until you actually believed it?

Most men skip this step. They feel guilty for not being kinder, so they grit their teeth and try harder. That works for maybe 48 hours. Then they snap again, feel worse, and the cycle repeats. You’re trying to operate out of your own strength, and your strength isn’t enough.

God never asked you to be kind in your own strength. He asked you to abide in Christ so His strength flows through you. Massive difference.

Receiving God’s kindness first isn’t selfish. It’s obedience. You can’t reflect what you haven’t absorbed. Spend time soaking in the truth that God is kind to you—ridiculously, lavishly, undeservedly kind. Let that sink past your theology into your bones. When you truly grasp how much He’s forgiven you, how patient He’s been with your repeated failures, how gently He’s led you when you deserved judgment—kindness toward others stops being a duty and becomes a reflex.

Stop trying to manufacture fruit you don’t possess. Go back to the vine. Stay there. Let Him fill you until kindness becomes the natural overflow of a heart that’s been loved well.

How to Build a Lifestyle of Biblical Kindness

Step 1 – Receive God’s Kindness First

Every morning, you’ve got a choice.

Rush into the day carrying yesterday’s stress, or stop and let God refill you. Most men choose the former. They roll out of bed, grab their phone, check email, and they’re already behind before their feet hit the floor. By the time they interact with their family, they’re running on empty—irritable, distracted, and defensive.

Here’s what I do instead, and it’s changed everything.

Before I check anything, before I talk to anyone, I sit with God for 20 minutes. Not because I’m super spiritual. Because I’ve learned the hard way that if I don’t start here, I’ve got nothing to give anyone else. I read Scripture slowly. Let it land. Then ask God to show me who He is and who I am in Him. Some mornings it’s powerful. Some mornings it feels dry. Doesn’t matter. I show up.

“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands” (Psalm 63:3-4, NIV).

David wasn’t waiting for feelings. He was choosing to rehearse truth until his heart caught up. God’s love is better than life itself. When you believe that—really believe it—everything else shifts. You’re anchored in something bigger.

Practically, here’s what this looks like: Set your alarm 20 minutes earlier. Make coffee. Sit somewhere quiet. Open your Bible—not to check a box, but to meet with God. Read a passage slowly. Ask yourself: What does this reveal about God’s character? What does this reveal about how He sees me? How does this truth change how I approach today?

Then pray. Not a grocery list of requests, but a conversation. Thank Him for specific things. Confess where you failed yesterday without wallowing in shame. Ask Him to fill you with His Spirit so you can love others well today. Sit in silence for a few minutes and just receive. Let His presence settle over you.

This isn’t complicated. It’s consistent. Every single day, you go back to the source. You can’t skip this and expect to be kind by 3 p.m. when everything’s falling apart. Kindness flows from fullness, and fullness comes from abiding.

Miss this step, and the rest of the plan won’t work. You’ll be trying to manufacture fruit in your own strength, and you’ll burn out fast. Start here. Stay here. Let God love you first.

Step 2 – Steward Your Body Like It Matters

Spiritual disciplines alone won’t fix this.

If you’re sleeping five hours a night, eating garbage, and never moving, you’re sabotaging your own progress. Your body is part of the equation. God gave it to you as a tool for His purposes. Treat it like trash, and it’ll limit your ability to live out His character.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:1-2, NIV).

Offering your body as a living sacrifice isn’t just about sexual purity. It’s about stewarding every aspect of your physical life—sleep, nutrition, movement, rest—as an act of worship. Your body is the instrument through which you serve God and others. When the instrument is broken, the music suffers.

Here’s the baseline: Get seven to eight hours of sleep every night. Non-negotiable. Turn off screens an hour before bed. Keep your room cool and dark. Prioritize sleep like your spiritual life depends on it, because it does. Sleep deprivation destroys emotional regulation, decision-making, and self-control. You can’t be kind on four hours of sleep. You can barely function.

Nutrition matters just as much. Eat three meals a day built around protein, vegetables, and healthy fats. Cut the processed junk. Stop skipping breakfast and wondering why you’re a wreck by 10 a.m. Stable blood sugar equals stable emotions. Feed your body real food, and it’ll stop hijacking your mood every two hours.

Movement is non-negotiable. Walk 30 minutes every day. Lift weights three times a week. You don’t need a fancy gym. You need consistency. Exercise reduces cortisol, increases testosterone, improves sleep, and floods your brain with the neurotransmitters that make emotional regulation possible. Moving your body isn’t vanity. It’s stewardship.

Hydration matters too. Drink half your body weight in ounces of water every day. Dehydration impairs cognitive function and mood. You think you’re having a bad day. Really, you’re just thirsty.

These aren’t tips for gym bros. They’re foundational disciplines for men who want to love others well. Your biology affects your theology. When your body is functioning the way God designed it, your capacity for kindness, patience, and self-control increases exponentially.

Steward your body. It’s not separate from your spiritual life. It’s the vehicle through which your spiritual life is expressed.

Visit again tomorrow for PART 4

Tyler Inloes is a graduate of California State University, Northridge and a Certified Personal Trainer & Fitness Nutrition Specialist. He grew up as a “Chunky Christian.” To solve his personal weight problem, he turned to God and the Bible for help. His goal is now to help believers reach their full potential – both physically & spiritually by teaching us how the journey to a healthier body and a closer relationship with God go hand in hand. His mission is to help us transform our bodies into the temple God designed it to be, so that we can live our God given purpose. Tyler is married and has two children. When he is not training, he enjoys family, playing basketball with his son, or Disney Princess with his daughter. He also enjoys a well-deserved date night with his wife as much as possible. To find out more about Tyler please visit his website.

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