So, there I was. Doing some laps around the gym, minding my own business. Along comes the Holy Spirit, doing exactly what Jesus said He would do – reminding me of what Jesus taught. (See John 14:26). I will focus on and unpack the passage that popped into my head here shortly.

As I walked, I was thinking a little bit about the marriage class my wife and I have been teaching at the Main Post Chapel on Wednesday nights for the past ten weeks. I was mentally reviewing some of the practical and personal lessons we’ve learned about marriage we have emphasized over the past five weeks: marriage is a brilliant design for us, our children, and for the whole world; your spouse is a gift to be cherished; and if God was with you at the beginning of your courtship, and has been every step since then, He will be with you through your whole life.

We have been studying The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller. The key passage that he and his wife Kathy have been working through is Eph. 5:18-33. In one of the first sessions of the class, I brought in some additional Scriptures to supplement this foundational teaching. Since the Apostle Paul quotes Gen. 2:24 in Eph. 5:31, we looked at that passage in some depth. We also tied it to Matt. 19:5 and Mark 10:7-8, where Jesus quoted the same verse in Genesis. (Note: I reflected on these same passages in an article I wrote last year on God’s design for marriage.)

Let me share what I was thinking, specifically about what Jesus said about marriage and God’s involvement in it. It is an amazing truth. I can’t hardly believe we’ve been married this long without ever thinking much about it. You will find it extremely helpful in your own marriage.

God, the sovereign matchmaker

After Jesus quoted Gen. 2:24 where Moses taught the purpose and permanence of marriage – The man will leave his parents to be united to his wife and become one flesh, Jesus added a word of application to clarify God’s original intent for marriage. Jesus stated in Matt. 19:6: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

What God joined together? My mind was blown. I had to meditate hard on that.

When you look back at Genesis, it is clear that it was God who joined Adam and Eve on Day 6. The first human couple was a match made in heaven. Eve was designed to complete Adam. They needed each other to be fruitful and multiply and to fill, subdue, and rule the earth (Gen. 1:28). Jesus’s revolutionary teaching on marriage and divorce implied that since God joined Adam and Eve, God was still in the business of joining men and women together. And, since it was He who did that great work, man did not have the authority to break apart God’s perfect matches.

The blinding flash of the obvious that had escaped my attention for decades was this: It was God, not just my wife and I, but God had been the one who had personally arranged the circumstances that put us together as a couple in every single detail from first meeting to our wedding vows.

How does our heavenly Father do that for His children?

• • God leads and guides us in paths of righteousness (Ps. 23:2-3)
  • God makes plans and keeps them (Ps. 33:11)
  • God determines our steps (Prov. 16:9)
  • God answers our prayers (Matt. 7:7-8)
  • God provides all of our needs (Phil. 4:19)
  • God gives wisdom to those who ask in faith (James 1:5)

A verse I already cited above confirms that God is in the process. We read in Gen. 2:24 that the husband and wife, once united in marriage, will “become one flesh.” This becoming unified in every sense of the word starts on day one and continues to grow over a lifetime of commitment, communication, and serving one another. This can only happen as two Christians grow in grace.

Two more verses comes to mind to support this idea. In Prov. 18:22, we read, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Prov. 19:14 plainly states the same: “a prudent wife is from the Lord.” The man may have worked hard to pursue a godly woman that caught his eye to build a loving relationship, but God was the source of his blessing. God led this man to her so that they would come together as husband and wife.

Our story

I’ve outlined God’s part in bringing a man and woman together. What was our part?

I know that shortly after I met Linda, I went to work. I made efforts to get to know her better. I tried to sit next to her when our large group of friends went out for homemade cinnamon rolls at The Junction after Campus Crusade meetings. I offered to walk her home from the library when she worked late one night a week. I found ways to let her know that I enjoyed being with her. I chose to pursue only her. I prayed that God would lead me and guide us in our relationship.

As our dating relationship matured over the next year, we had to plan our dates so that we could honor the boundaries God placed and not give in to temptation. As time went on, it was more challenging, but in the end it was so worth the wait. We continued to seek God. We prayed that He would lead us both. When it was time for me to pop that most important question, I stepped out in faith and asked it, without even having a ring. We were officially engaged! Later, I bought a ring and we began to plan our wedding. God was involved in every step of the process.

For nearly 45 years, God taught us how to work hard to fulfill our biblical callings as husband and wife. By the grace of God, my wife and I have become this wise older couple. Now, we are intentional about sharing what God taught us about marriage (mostly through teaching this class). We want young Christian military families to know how God has been faithful to us. We want to give others hope that despite the challenges, there is much joy to be found in marriage. 

Your story

We start the first session of every marriage class by asking each couple to briefly describe how God brought them together and how their love story developed. I strongly encourage Christian married couples to reflect on the small miracles God did behind the scenes to bring two strangers together and how he worked in your hearts individually to bring you to the altar to exchange wedding vows. I trust that you can also easily recall how God has sustained you since that time.

I want more than anything for men and women who are being exposed to this idea about God joining you to your spouse to see what God did in every phase of your relationship. He brought you together though a variety of circumstances. God got you to notice this man or woman and had him or her notice you right back. He even designed you both with an internal checklist of qualities to look for. He led you, gave you wisdom, and confirmed decisions with His peace.

If you could see God drawing you together in the very beginning of your relationship, I trust that you can also recall how He has led you every step along the way, whenever trials came along. Perhaps you can articulate even now how He got you through financial difficulties, trouble with your in-laws, health issues, and a host of other hard things that normally happen to humans. As the classic hymn goes, His grace has brought you safe thus far, His grace will lead you home.

Closing thoughts

I realize that there are a significant number of Christian marriages that are not in a good place. I have to tell you that no matter what your marriage is going through, if God was in it then, He is still in it now.

It is worth fighting for to stay together, not just for the kids, not just for you, even. It is for God’s glory. When we live out our Christ-centered marriages in the world among our extended family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, fellow church members, etc., we put the spotlight on a God who not only gives us eternal life in His Son, Jesus, but gives us an abundant life in every area of life.

Russell E. Gehrlein (Master Sergeant, U.S. Army, Retired) is a Christian, husband, grandfather, blogger, and author of Immanuel Labor – God’s Presence in our Profession. With degrees in mathematics and biblical studies, his career spans teaching, youth ministry, military service, and civilian work at Fort Leonard Wood. He writes to help others experience God’s presence and integrate faith at work. His articles appear in military journals and faith-based platforms including The Gospel Coalition, Made to Flourish, and the Center for Faith & Work.

Image by ChatGPT

Books by Russell Gehrlein