One of the most helpless experiences in the world is walking with someone who is experiencing great pain. For the friend of the sufferer, what can you do?

According to the Apostle Paul, you can pray. But pray what, exactly? I know when I’m suffering, what I usually ask people to pray for is for God to make things better. I just want him to take the pain away. This is the most obvious and frequent kind of prayer for sufferers, and I see nothing in Scripture that tells us to stop it.

But I’m struck by the example of the Apostle Paul, who experienced ministry in a nearly constant state of suffering. Yet, when he asks the Corinthians for prayer, listen to what he asks for: “You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many” (2 Corinthians 1:11 ESV). Apparently, the first thing he asks the Corinthians to pray for is that he will persevere in faith, trusting God for his faithfulness along the way.

Pain can serve as a force that pushes you away from God or one that pushes you toward God. Imagine a gale force wind blowing against you. You might think that the wind can only push you in one direction. But ask anyone who has captained a sailboat, and they’ll tell you the direction of the wind is actually irrelevant. When you’re navigating a sailboat, you constantly adjust the angle of the sails to use the wind, however it’s blowing, to move you wherever you want to go. In fact, one of the slowest ways to move in a sailboat is with a following wind; it’s actually quicker to tack from side to side with a crosswind.

The same is true in our faith. Your pain feels like a driving wind against you. But in prayer, you can turn the “angle of your sail,” allowing the pain to push you toward God rather than away from him. The same pain can make someone bitter and resentful or more trusting, humble, and dependent on Jesus.

So if your friend is in pain, yes, please pray that the suffering will stop. But don’t skip this: Pray also for the sufferer to have the humility and faith to lean more on God—to despair of their own weakness and trust in a God who injects resurrection life into dying things in the world, to have the confidence that that’s the kind of God he is.

When we pray for the sufferer, we pray that they’ll know, deep in their hearts, and utterly trust in, the goodness of God. I often pray one of these over friends in pain:

• • The truth that David concluded the book of Psalms with: “The LORD is righteous in everything he does; he is filled with kindness. The LORD is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth. He grants the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cries for help and rescues them” (Psalm 145:17–19 NLT).
  • The promise that God gave to Jacob at his lowest point: “‘I am with you and will keep you wherever you go … I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you’” (Genesis 28:15 ESV).
  • The promise I wear around my wrist: “I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them” (Jeremiah 32:40 ESV).
  • The promise Jesus clung to when he was on the cross: “Our children will also serve him. Future generations will hear about the wonders of the Lord” (Psalm 22:30 NLT).

And I say, “God, may this be true of my dear friend! May this be true of my kids. May this be true of the next generation of this church.” By lifting these promises to God, I am asking him to turn the sail in their heart, using their suffering to drive them deeper into God’s arms.

Because no matter your circumstance, it is always a blessing to know God better and trust him more.

J.D. Greear is the pastor of The Summit Church, in Raleigh-Durham, North Carolina. He leads the Summit in a bold vision to plant one thousand new churches by the year 2050. Pastor J.D. completed his Ph.D. in Theology at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. He has served as a member of the Board of Directors of Chick-fil-A since January 2022 and recently served as the 62nd president of the Southern Baptist Convention. Pastor J.D. and his wife Veronica are raising four awesome kids: Kharis, Alethia, Ryah, and Adon.This article has been republished with permission from the J.D. Greear website and is under copyright law. It may not be republished without express written consent by J.D. Greear Ministries Team. J.D. Greear is the author of 27 Books including his newest book, Everyday Revolutionary: How to Trancend the Culture War and Transform the World.

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