Final Thoughts on Parenting Transitions
By Russell Gehrlein
This is the final installment of a series of four articles I originally wrote about the transitiion from childhood to adulthood and the adjustments needed from parents and children. You can find the other three artilcle at the following links:[1] [2] [3]
I heard a great song on iTunes on the way to work one day this week – Wayne Watson’s, “The Class of ’95”. It’s a tear-jerker, no doubt. The guy wrote some powerful songs that elicit strong emotions, especially for parents, with songs like Watercolor Ponies, Somewhere in the World, and this one. It made me think once again about the complex process of letting our children go. Although my wife and I are 2/3 of the way through, we are still trying to figure out what works, what doesn’t, and how we can best meet our youngest son’s needs as a young adult and the needs of our older son and his sister (plus their spouses) as newly married couples.
I actually heard Wayne perform this song at a 1995 Promise Keepers Conference. I remember thinking that my daughter was only ten at the time, and was eight years away from her own high school graduation. How far off it seemed then, and how quickly it became my turn!
Because the title of the song is tied to what I presume to be his son or daughter’s high school graduation, and since it was more than a few years ago, it probably never got the annual radio station airtime that it deserves. I think the message is timeless. Here’s the chorus to this song that many of my fellow middle-aged parents of teens and young adults should be able to relate to:
To the Class of ’95
Congratulations are in line
God has surely been most faithful
He’s been so much more than kind
So, get ready to test your wings
And fly away but when you do
Remember you are loved
And somebody here is always praying for you
The universal fear (or dread) of parents as their children approach that high school graduation day is the knowledge that their offspring will inevitably test those wings and fly away, when they are truly ready. We hope that as they do, they will remain close to us and will always remember that they can come home whenever they need to.
For a Christian parent, however, prayer is always going to be an important element in this letting go process. I tell each of my kids almost every time I talk with them on our weekly phone call that I pray for them every day, and I really do. I know my wife does, also. It brings enormous comfort to believe that God actively cares for them, just as much, if not more, than when they were home under our roof.
The second verse is worth mentioning here as well, as it shares a deep truth that those who haven’t yet experienced it cannot totally grasp:
So, this is what I bargained for
Hushed hello and a rushed goodbye
Old folks said I’d be amazed at how
Quickly the time would fly
Even so, I’m thankful that my God saw fit to lend
This child into my unworthy hands
Who’s less a child now and more a friend
I’m tearing up, reading these lines now. Like the songwriter, I too am thankful that God lent my wife and I, for a season, our three precious children into our unworthy hands. And when I say the word “child”, I too truly understand and accept the fact that they are no longer children in the normal sense of the word, but are fellow adults like us. And I am truly amazed to see our adult relationships, yes, even friendships, grow with each one of them as time goes on.
So, how have we been showing love to these dearest of friends lately? Well, we’ve welcomed both of our married children and their wonderful spouses home for a few days, on separate occasions, this summer. They came when they could, and stayed as long as they liked. It was great to see them. We were impressed with how well they treated each other as new Christian families; separate and distinct, yet connected to and rooted from our own. We bought a new bed for the newlywed couple, after the son cleaned up his old room during his visit, so that he and his bride and his sister and husband can have their own beds to sleep in if they all happen to come home for the holidays at the same time.
A month ago, we brought our youngest son back for his third year of college, a few weeks early like he wanted, to help him get settled into his off-campus home. We even made another trip this weekend to bring some stuff he left behind.
The past two weeks, we comforted one after a serious fender-bender, and grieved with them at the total loss of their car. Most recently, we have rejoiced with recent college and grad school degree recipients who have just started jobs in their chosen fields that they are passionate about.
So, for my children, I echo Wayne Watson’s heart-felt words for his own precious gift. Remember you are loved, and somebody here is always praying for you.
_________
Russell E. Gehrlein (Master Sergeant, U.S. Army, Retired) is a Christian, husband, father, grandfather, and blogger. He received a B.S. in mathematics from Colorado State University and an M.A. in Biblical Studies from Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. God has given him a unique career journey as a junior/high school math and science teacher, youth pastor, and service in the military. Russ has worked as a Department of the Army civilian at Fort Leonard Wood for the past 13 years. He is an ordinary man whose passion is helping other people experience God’s presence and integrate their Christian faith at work.
His first book, Immanuel Labor – God’s Presence in our Profession is A Biblical, Theological, and Practical Approach to the Doctrine of Work. Russ has written for the NCO Journal, Army Chemical Review, Campus Life, and for the Center for Army Lessons Learned. Russ has been published in Christian blogs and websites such as, Center for Faith & Work at LeTourneau University, Institute for Faith, Work & Economics, Coram Deo, Nashville Institute for Faith + Work, Made to Flourish, 4Word Women, and The Gospel Coalition. His blog, Reflections on Theological Topics of Interest, inspires him to write on a continual basis.
Feature photo used with permission by Photo by CDC on Unsplash
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